Here's what I hate: bathrooms with mirrors next to the toilet. I'm peeing here, man!

memo

TO: All associates and affiliates of the Campaign for the De-Betterment of Earthly Habitation
FROM: Pamela Hollister, Inhuman Resources
Subject: Weekly Catch-Up

Hey, everyone! I was so happy to see all you sick bastards with your families out for our quarterly "Un-Run". We gave out over forty door prizes, and it was a great opportunity for people who work in different departments to become acquainted less personally. Furthermore, we did well to uphold our core values: The race was unsympathetic, unfriendly, and unrelenting. I think it was our best "Un" yet! Ha Ha!
Also, I've been instructed to keep all departments on alert for our continued dedication to dishonesty and disinformation. I'd like to share a case brought to our attention by the administerial branch of our Miseducation department. Gloria works in the Louisiana State school system and was pleased to relate that, due to an intentional deception from one of our diligent correspondents, a student missed the due date for tuition fees for the current semester, and, as a result, will be forced to pay an arbitrary fee ($75!!!) in order to remove the hold on his student account. This may not seem like much, but it is precisely this kind of ne'er-do-welling that puts food on the tables of all of our evil children, and lets evil mom and evil dad sleep evilly at night on their goose-down & seething-corpuscule mattresses, with their maggot-infested, anguish-soaked pillows, underneath poly/cotton/insufferable-misery-weave comforters of deceit. Good job, Gloria! Again, staying committed to these precepts will systematically ensure the total ruination of any desirable human qualities.
And, finally, I don't mean to be a spoil sport, but just because it's Casual Friday does not mean that all semblance of respect for ourselves should be thrown out the window. You all know the dress code by now, and you know when you are breaking it. If you wear open-toed shoes I will personally ensure that the withered and unrecognizable remnants of your worthless, tattered soul are dragged heedlessly through abysmally dark and incalculably cruel caverns of unimaginable, identity-obliterating pain for a seemingly undending catalogue of miserable aeons of empty and devastatingly boundless expanses of time. I don't make the rules here, people.

All Hail the Great Satan,
Pam